We All of Us Deserve Better Fish.

Hello Blog,

I haven't posted for a while, and for that I can only apologise. It's partly that I've been busy and tired, but I could have made the time. I know I don't treat you right sometimes, Blog. I promise I'll do better in future. What can I say? I'm only human.

It's been an interesting few weeks. I had my birthday, which was pleasant but uneventful. I got some cool things, including Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Death And The Penguin, and Creature of Havoc. Oddly representative.
Also, Richard and Mary took a bunch of us to Water World at my request, because apparently this was my 8th birthday. Then on my actual birthday I got a whole crate of drunk. So I guess moderately eventful.

I finally quit my job, something that has been brewing for some time. I can't really go too far into the details, because complaining about your workplace in a public forum lacks class. Suffice to say I'm not happy there and think I can get more rewarding work.
I have a few irons in the fire for replacement jobs and I can fall back on being a student if necessary, so no worries about becoming destitute. Not ones that have any basis in reality anyway.
The main thing that I don't like is that I won't be a projectionist any more, although mainly for the cool job title.

I know I promised you I'd talk about school this time, Blog, but I had a backlog and nobody likes big walls of text. I know I say that every time, but it doesn't make it any less true. Come on, Blog. Don't be that way.


NR

You Met Me at A Very Strange Time in My Life.

Hello Blog,

I've mentioned that I work in a cinema as a projectionist, and I want to talk a little about that. There's only so much I can say in this age where your boss can catch you calling him a penis online, so I'll try and keep it neutral.

The first question I usually get asked is “So do you just sit around watching films all day?”

The answer, obviously, is “Of course I fucking don't, who would pay someone for that?”

Usually I just say yes to avoid the conversation.

The truth is that I do occasionally get to watch a movie at work, under the pretext of checking it for faults. This is less necessary with digital than it was with 35mm film, but there could be corruption or various other types of faults with a digital copy.

Rarely, however, do I have time, will or a free projector to preview films.

There is a perception that because a lot of what I used to do with film is now automated, I am apparently free to have every monkey job that the corporate department can dream up shat onto my lap. (Keep it neutral, keep it neutral.)

A good 70% of movies that come through our cinema are awful anyway. It makes sense really, we are a business and romantic comedies, unchallenging horror movies that go “boo!” every 20 minutes and CGI cartoons with talking animals are our bread and butter. That doesn't mean I don't inwardly weep when we pass over a Studio Ghibli movie or some quirky Norwegian horror flick for some flaccid effort with Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher.

All this means that I probably don't see any more movies at the cinema than anyone else. I suppose I could come in early or stay late to do them, but I spend enough time in that gloomy room with my only my girls (the projectors) for company.

The second question, almost without fail, is “Have you ever spliced a frame of porn into a children's movie?”

The correct answer is “Woo! Fight Club joke! You never hear those as a projectionist! I want to hit you as hard as I can.”

Seriously though, where would I even get frames of 35mm porn? If I actually did manage to find some on obsolete-format-smuthut.com, I would almost certainly get caught, sued, arrested, then worshipped on 4chan. Nobody wants to be worshipped on 4chan. Still, I do have the relevant skills and equipment and I'm sure it would elicit at least one giggle. Or a lul, if you prefer.

By the way, if the preceding URL works, don't click it.

NR