You Don't Know, Man. You Weren't There.

Hello Blog,

It's been a busy week. I have a few things to share with you so let's move right along.

First up, I went to see Reginald D. Hunter at The Royal Concert Hall on Saturday. The theatre was very beautiful even if we were so far up that it was vertigo inducing.

He was supported by Steve Hughes, an Australian comedian who apparently doesn't have a DVD for me to shill. Steve was funny, unfortunately I'd already seen the bulk of his act on TV so few giggles were had, but it was an experience to see him live anyway.

Reggie was great though. Warm, engaging and with far more bite to his humour than I was expecting from his TV appearances. He's still on tour so if you get the chance you really should make the time to see him.

I tried to think of a good segue here but I got nothing, so here's a jarring subject change.

My friends Kate and Laura just got back from a month in Vietnam which sounded totally fascinating and also leech infested. I'm looking forward to hearing more stories of old ladies shotgunning American soldiers and looking at pictures of the beautiful countryside, however the thing that has me giddy with ghoulish glee is my dead GI lighter.

 A friend and I used to talk about this sort of thing years ago, so half jokingly and fully drunkenly I asked Kate to bring me one back and lo and behold the girl came through on it. It's pretty knackered and possibly they knock them out to flog to tourists but even so it's a pretty cool and unique souvenir.

I already have a zippo that I haven't used in a while, mostly due to laziness, so I intend to cannibalise mine for parts and repair it.

I'm aware of the moral issues at play here. This is a dead guy's possession and it's a little bit creepy to revel in it's provenance, but it's cool and was thoughtful of Kate to get it for me. I mean no disrepect, I have nothing but awe for the bravery of soldiers and I will take better care of it than the guy who hawked it. Pics to follow.

Uni starts this week and frankly I'm freaking out a little bit, but that's a bigger post than I'm ready for right now. I'll talk about that next time.

NR

In My Restless Dreams.

Hello Blog,

Today I want to talk horror and fear. I've always had a fascination with it, the first adult book I ever read was Steven King's Eyes of the Dragon. I read that thing over and over, taking a curious joy over the sensation of being frightened whilst perfectly safe. I think that therein lies the crux of any horror enthusiast's attraction.

It's not often in life you really get to be afraid in a controlled environment. Many people simply lack the empathy to really place themselves in a character's situation, also there's the childish bravado of “I'm not scared!”

I'm not saying people that don't like horror are poorly developed but, you know. Draw your own conclusions.

The problem, of course, is that much horror media is tripe. The genre even has a sort of self-referential humour about it. Silly gore movies, such as Machine Girl or Braindead (Dead Alive US) are a lot of fun after a few beers, but noone is really having any emotional reaction except amusement or revulsion.

Slasher movies can occasionally be played with some finesse, as the skillful use of build up and jump scare will leave the audience feeling pavlovian dread as soon as creepy music starts. The first Halloween was a masterclass in this. As discussed previously however, most horror movies are 8 teenagers played by actors well into their 30s, a death every 20 minutes and a jump scare every 15.

Many horror books fall into the same trap. Shaun Hutson in particular writes incredibly lurid pulp horror, with a monster of the week, usually something unpleasant on the cover and probably a disturbing-for-all-the-wrong-reasons rape scene. 

Mind-shattering indeed.

Steven King isn't the world's most talented writer. His endings are almost uniformly awful and his stories have a bit of a tendency to meander. He writes some strong characters though, and that empathy between reader and character forms the basis to generate fear. IT was excellent for that. A book packed with chilling moments, giant spider be damned.

One book that needs to be mentioned is Mark Z. Danielewski's House of Leaves. I don't even know where to begin describing the story. It's a about a guy who finds some books about a documentary about a house. Yeah. The book does not get less confusing. It really is a work of twisted genius however, with pages in mirror writing, pages written on the diagonal across the page and footnotes within footnotes within footnotes. It has the same pervasive sense of otherness that Lovecraft used so well, but without aping him. This book scared the bejesus out of me any number of times and I don't have much bejesus to spare. Heartily recommended.

Videogames are a relatively new medium, and tend not to have the most complex characters or stories. Even of those that do, horror games have never had a huge following. Most of them follow the Resident Evil playbook of “zombie dogs through the window whenever there's a lull in the shooting”. Not that there's anything intrinsically wrong with that, but shock is never as effective as dread.

For dread, you really need to visit Silent Hill. This series is very close to my heart and has been consistently terrifying me for many years. Silent Hill is a demonically tainted town that draws in sinners and lost souls and toys with them for it's own amusement. There's a reason why, but it's a spoiler and makes the whole thing even more creepy. Some are better than others, Silent Hill 2 being the real standout, but they all really get the sense of isolation and strangeness right.

The other problem of course, is that horror is very personal. What's scarier than a letter from the testicle doctor for one person is funny or boring for others. Some people are scared of moths or spiders, some of dogs or heights. I, for my part, scream in abject terror at even the friendliest of clowns and Kayako from The Grudge (Ju-on JP) had me nervous to be on my own for weeks afterwards.

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions in our toolkit, and those who avoid confronting it safely will be paralysed when the real thing comes around. Don't be put off by the vast bales of dreck, we live in an age of information. Seek out high quality examples of that which scares you and confront it. From the couch. With some nice cake.

NR

You Met Me at A Very Strange Time in My Life.

Hello Blog,

I've mentioned that I work in a cinema as a projectionist, and I want to talk a little about that. There's only so much I can say in this age where your boss can catch you calling him a penis online, so I'll try and keep it neutral.

The first question I usually get asked is “So do you just sit around watching films all day?”

The answer, obviously, is “Of course I fucking don't, who would pay someone for that?”

Usually I just say yes to avoid the conversation.

The truth is that I do occasionally get to watch a movie at work, under the pretext of checking it for faults. This is less necessary with digital than it was with 35mm film, but there could be corruption or various other types of faults with a digital copy.

Rarely, however, do I have time, will or a free projector to preview films.

There is a perception that because a lot of what I used to do with film is now automated, I am apparently free to have every monkey job that the corporate department can dream up shat onto my lap. (Keep it neutral, keep it neutral.)

A good 70% of movies that come through our cinema are awful anyway. It makes sense really, we are a business and romantic comedies, unchallenging horror movies that go “boo!” every 20 minutes and CGI cartoons with talking animals are our bread and butter. That doesn't mean I don't inwardly weep when we pass over a Studio Ghibli movie or some quirky Norwegian horror flick for some flaccid effort with Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher.

All this means that I probably don't see any more movies at the cinema than anyone else. I suppose I could come in early or stay late to do them, but I spend enough time in that gloomy room with my only my girls (the projectors) for company.

The second question, almost without fail, is “Have you ever spliced a frame of porn into a children's movie?”

The correct answer is “Woo! Fight Club joke! You never hear those as a projectionist! I want to hit you as hard as I can.”

Seriously though, where would I even get frames of 35mm porn? If I actually did manage to find some on obsolete-format-smuthut.com, I would almost certainly get caught, sued, arrested, then worshipped on 4chan. Nobody wants to be worshipped on 4chan. Still, I do have the relevant skills and equipment and I'm sure it would elicit at least one giggle. Or a lul, if you prefer.

By the way, if the preceding URL works, don't click it.

NR

Welcome to the Cheap Seats

Hello Internet,

 My name is Neil, but most people call me Riley. I'm 31 years old, work as a projectionist for a reasonably large cinema chain, and since I was seven years old I've been fascinated by the written word.

 I've always loved books, I feel on edge and ill at ease if I don't have something on the go. Much of my early years and on into my twenties I mostly read fairly light, easy on the brain stuff. Wizards and dragons. Spaceships and laser guns. A few years ago I decided to read more classic works. In that time I've read some truly phenominal books. I still read a lot of genre fiction but tend towards the classier end of the scale.

 Where I going with this is that I want to write. I think, if nothing else, I could write some decent short stories, maybe have some people like them and that's enough for me really. I've had next to no practice at it however and as I'm sure you can probably see, my written English could use some work. This is where you come in, blog! I'm going to start studying English Literature at the Open University soon and the lack of polish in my writing has me worried, so constructive criticism would be much appreciated.

 I also consume media at a prodigious rate, movies, games, books or whatever. The older I get, the wierder stuff I find myself enjoying. I watched some opera recently, god help me. I'll probably post various impressions on whatever I've seen/done recently, just for the sake of something to write.

So that's what this blog will be about. Me, my progress towards being a writer (in whatever capacity), school, work and nerd stuff. I hope you enjoy reading about this stuff, but I'm really doing this for me.

R.